My spiritual awakening announced itself right after a breakup call. But if I look really closely, it actually started showing signs while I was experiencing a few life-changing events that unfolded over a few years. The first big event was finding out that my grandma, who played a big role in raising me, had cancer. The second big event was losing her within less than a year.
The third big event was dealing with an unexpected health situation that required me to get surgery for the first time in my life.
And the last big event that tied it all up with a beautiful bow was reconnecting with a person who I thought would end up being my long-term partner (because of the long history we shared), but then breaking up unexpectedly about two years later. It's that breakup that was the beginning of a whole new way of living and experiencing life. It was the beginning of a journey that helped me find my way back to myself.
But it didn't feel that way at all initially.
Right after it happened, I was crushed.
The future I had built in my head crashed in front of my eyes.
Many things I thought to be true and real about that one person turned out to be a lie. And that felt like one of the biggest and most painful revelations of all.
But I was the one who put him on a pedestal. I built an image in my head of who I thought he was, based on my interactions and experiences with him over the previous 7 years.
I felt that part of me died that day.
It was a slow death because the pain was there for a long time. And it didn't look like it was going to go away anytime soon.
My emotions kept going back and forth. Part of my sense of self didn't fit my reality anymore. I knew that I had to change. I knew that I had to rebuild my future.
What I didn't know was that I actually needed to rebuild my present first. I had to rebuild my self-esteem. I had to rebuild my sense of worth. I had to get to know myself again.
And so it began, the healing.
Let me take you on my journey to self-discovery, which I now call my spiritual awakening.
With the help of two people, one podcast, and numerous groundbreaking books, I was able to get out of the mental and emotional state that I was in.
It all started with a quick "How to Get Over a Break Up" search on Youtube soon after the breakup. Two people stood out to me in the search results - Matthew Hussey and Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters). Right after watching their videos, I was hooked. Needless to say, I binged watched a ridiculous amount of their videos since.
The internal change started to happen rapidly and on a profound level.
The biggest thing for me was learning to rewire my thoughts. I had to constantly challenge myself to see things from a different perspective.
My default perspective was very victim-oriented. I had to train myself to observe that type of thinking pattern (which only lowered my self-worth and self-esteem) and change it around to a more empowering way of thinking.
Looking back, it definitely felt like learning a new language, but on a whole other level, as my emotions were tied to my way of thinking. It wasn't pretty or pleasant at all. I was feeling all the colours of the rainbow at the same time.
My ego wanted to blame someone for everything I was going through. The ego wanted to desperately understand the rejection. The ego wanted to make sense of it all.
"Why did this happen to me?"
"How was I so blind?"
"Why did I let anyone treat me that way?"
"Am I a failure cause I can't make a relationship last?"
Those are examples of the victim mentality I mentioned earlier. That's the real poison.
Once I learned that I wasn't the ego, that my true self is my soul, and it will always exist and shine no matter what transformation it goes through, my life was forever changed.
It's through Oprah Winfrey's SuperSoul Sunday Podcast, and various self-growth books, that I learned to differentiate between the ego and the soul. The two exist inside of us, but they are not the same.
Self-acceptance was a huge lesson for me - loving myself just the way I am every single step of the way. When I learned that, I was able to communicate that with others. I took my own power back and didn't let anyone else decide for me what I needed to change about myself, what I needed to work on, and how I should live my life.
I strongly suggest that you read the last sentence again. And then let that sink in.
When you discover how powerful you truly are, you stop giving people discounts.
But my way of thinking wasn't the only thing that changed. Weird things started happening.
I found myself meditating a lot, especially in yoga classes. I was in a dream-like state. It was hard to tell what was a dream and what was real.
I also started seeing 11:11 or a digit and then 11 almost every single day. It was so creepy. I even took screenshots of it to count how many times I would see it throughout the week.
I noticed that the world started to respond differently to me. Miracles and "strange" occurrences became regular but fascinating to me every single time as if I was experiencing them for the first time, every time they happened.
I learned the meaning of being really present, more like living in the moment. The future was nice to think about, but I didn't focus on it too much. And the past felt like a lifetime ago. I learned to be completely in the moment. My mind wasn't jumping between timelines — it was just quiet a big part of the time.
Gratitude became a natural way of being. I felt so blessed to be who I am, where I am, and with the people I was with. I thanked every "accident," "injury," and "bad" news because they always brought blessings with them; I just had to uncover them.
My intuition became laser sharp as I was learning the language of the universe.
As Nikola Tesla put it, "If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration."
I did more listening since my awakening than I ever did in my life before. I listened to my soul. I listened to the patterns. I listened to others. And I've gained so much wisdom that otherwise would've gone unnoticed.
The journey of reencountering with my soul and rediscovering gems of growth has been one of the most challenging yet rewarding things I've got to experience in this life.
It all comes down to love. When you learn to truly love yourself, unconditionally, you learn to love others the same way.
Lastly, you are never ever alone. Yes, the work has to be done by you, but you don't have to do it alone, and you really shouldn't have to.
Until next time,
Sophie
